I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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