im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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