We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
