im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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