i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize