Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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