I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
