You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
