Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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