It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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