Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
