How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
