I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
