if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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