On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
