Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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