I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
