I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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