my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's the barista slut.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
