Can i not drive my cunt home
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someone came in the potted fern
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
