Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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