Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
