Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
