I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
