I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
