Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
