Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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