i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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