When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I intend to get homeless drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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