a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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