I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
