eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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