So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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