Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
