Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
