You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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