All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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