well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
