I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So. Much. Porn.
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