you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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