Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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