You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
