im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
