His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
