Duck Duck Cougar?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
