where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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