I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
