Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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