batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
