would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
FUCK WHALES
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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