totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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