I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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