I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
