is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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