I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize