honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Terrible idea I love it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize