He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
