It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
