saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
