I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
