you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
