Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
