I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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