some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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