I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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