I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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