If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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