so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
