giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
