Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
