i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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