Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
